[in spite of himself, his worries are disregarded, overtaken by the one single thing he's more concerned with: getting soren somewhere safe and away from others who may try to pry into his business. the dragon has already been force-fed, so there's no need to consider if he might be hungry or not at present, and if there happens to be anything else he needs, sizhui will surely have it, whether at the cabin or in his attached home.
struggling through his loss will be difficult, but soren is nothing if not resilient; sizhui's witnessed it personally and believes, with time, he'll pull through. while he works at this, the cultivator will be around anytime he needs (whenever he isn't already checking in on him, of course).
mutual silence settles between them during the journey, nothing but rustling grass and trees, or perhaps the odd wild animal rushing in the direction that's opposite of where they're going. surprising no one, he makes it in record time, slowing back down to a trot as they approach the double back doors. without hesitation, he steps toward where they meet, lowers his head, shuts his eyes and leans to press flat against both doors, a delicately written array glowing beneath his touch. it flashes once, fades, then disperses into tiny flecks, prompting him to use his nose to lift the handle so they can get inside.]
[soren helps the rest of the way with the handle, then throws the door open wide enough for entry. at this point he dismounts, since he can walk inside on his own two feet from here on out.
uneasiness fills him now that they've stilled, the same that has been plaguing him since the realization that ike was here with him no longer bored through. accompanying it is the disorientation that comes with a lack of direction. there is nothing for him to live for at this time, or so it feels, and it makes him numb from the inside.
for two years he had endured this feeling. how much longer will he have to wait this time? will he be able to feel the full extent of his love again? or will the next ike even remember him at all? there are so many possibilities, questions that have yet to be answered that can only arrive with the passage of time. uncertainty. a type of loneliness that could never be completely filled if ike is not with him.
he enters the house, for it is something he can do for now. glances around at the interior, familiarizing himself with this space sizhui kindly offered to him. perhaps a refresh of space could also help to refresh his mind, collect his thoughts somewhere more useful. then he looks to sizhui with an unreadable expression and nods shortly.]
I won't make myself a nuisance here. [not that sizhui would expect that of him.] As a matter of fact, should you need me for something, I shall see if it is within my capacity to help.
[both with regards to his willingness and his ability.]
[once soren is back on his own feet, sizhui gives a full-bodied shake, readjusting to the sensation of losing his weight while also somewhat fluffing his fur back up. ordinarily, this would be where he changes back into his usual mostly human look with some animal features, but he was in such a rush to go collect soren, he didn't think to, uh, bring along his qiankun bag with his extra clothes.
so, rather than doing that, he simply trots right in after the dragon, outpacing him to help guide him toward the sofa. maybe he cannot lead him in one sense, it doesn't mean he can't help in another, after all, and he's fine doing so.
the expression is exactly what it conveys: indecipherable. how lucky, sizhui's wolf form isn't as reactive as his normal features, even though it's still quite suggestive in comparison to normal canines. he takes a spot beside the couch's arm, front paws pressed close together, his fluffy tail curling around them after he's settled. rather than intrude, sizhui doesn't plan to stay too long, just for some brief clarification where things that he might need are at, and then he'll allow soren whatever time he needs.
‘i won't make myself a nuisance here.’ well, that certainly won't do now, will it?]
𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚 𝙖 𝙣𝙪𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙎𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙣, 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨. [you're my friend, is what he wants to add, except he bites his tongue because he has a pretty good feeling it will only make soren feel awkward and be unhelpful to the situation, much like it always does when he's so straightforward.]
[now that he is no longer drunk nor gripping onto sizhui's thick fur, the slightly sticky, grubby sensation calls more attention to his hands. soren brings them up to squint at, rubbing his thumb against his fingertips and frowning. he heaves a tired and chagrined sigh as the hazy horror of memories made but an hour ago filter in.
naturally, a scant amount of sugar had been dusted over his clothes... but how did he get them streaked past the corners of his eyes? the dragon remains oblivious to the last part and begins heading toward the nearest available station to deliver his hands from food grime.]
[it's the same sort of feeling sizhui's experiencing, yet he's choosing to ignore it until he can figure something else out. sure, it wouldn't be the first time soren's seen him naked, it's still just. the whole principle of the idea? and besides, he's honed in on the way soren seems mortified, likely because of how he'd acted, which makes sizhui feel sorry for him (even if he will not say aloud).
were the adlet actually inclined, he might've twisted around and licked his fur clean, maybe savoring the sweetness soren left behind in a bizarre way while he's washing the filth away.
instead, sizhui stays put, purple and black eyes watching intently, the brief silencing lingering between them a beat or two longer before he finally speaks again,] 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙚𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙖 𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙮. 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙣, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚'𝙨 𝙨𝙣𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙪𝙥𝙗𝙤𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙝, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙙 𝙪𝙥 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙛𝙩.
[there isn't far to go; this cabin is, well, a cabin. one with a kitchenette that has a sink. he turns the faucet on and lets the warming water run over his hands. an intrusive thought about indoor plumbing enters his brain and yet again he is reminded of all the pointless and embarrassing conversations his dtf had dragged him into, a rather foggy territory in places. he doesn't chase after his recent memories.]
As accommodating as ever. [though last time he stayed at his place, there had been a bit of an unaccommodating dispute involving the white snake and his need to reach ike in lieu of his own dtf's mia status. with a wryness that buries sadness, he adds] This time, I won't even need to demand Xiaoyun. I have no reason.
[while soren's doing that, he continues staring, wondering how long it'll be before reality truly starts sinking in, now that he's become mostly sober. (won't take long, it seems, considering.) and try as he might, soren can't seem to help himself from the sound of it. the remark is initially a pretty positive one, which offers a little hope, though it's immediately dashed by soren's comment on not needing the snake dtf because he ‘has no reason’.
his heart freefalls into his stomach, he lowers his head, flattens his ears then huffs a sigh that shakes his whole body.
it may be stating the facts, that doesn't make it less painful for soren.] 𝙄'𝙢 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮, 𝙎𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙣. 𝙄 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙮 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧— [given who soren is as a person and all] —𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙖𝙢. [and oh, how sizhui wishes he could do more to help, but this is the best he can offer.]
[sizhui cannot even comprehend the depths his heart had plunged at the realization that he could no longer share his every day with ike. that this would no longer be a form of heaven for him. it's not as though he never envisioned a day like this. no; it was a persistent source of anxiety for him, was bound to happen someday. and naturally, he was the one left to bear the brunt of the absence, of having to exist without who impels him to.
he should have grown accustomed to it by now... but that doesn't stem the pain, especially when the blow is always aimed to be sudden, entirely unanticipated, a shot in the dark. should he have anticipated that it would last just a year? a year with ike; a year with ranulf. a year alone; a year each war.
he watches the soap run down the drain swirled and frothing with the water.]
There isn't much to be done about it. I have been expecting this day to come for some time now.
[he says this as if it's a matter of fact, but with the somberness of his emotions lurking behind the rather unintentionally obvious façade of the impersonal. after all, it really is just how life is. he's learned to brook all kinds of pain. sizhui cannot be faulted for not fully understanding just how much ike meant to him.]
[perhaps he cannot understand soren's intense feelings for ike, but he can understand his own and it would come as no surprise that he would describe his emotions in the same extremely earnest ways too. the only difference? sizhui didn't think it would happen to him twice until it did (and now he's pushed everything down rather than ever speaking out loud). something soren has far less trouble doing in this moment.
there really isn't anything else he can do and that makes it harder— more for soren than for himself, of course, as he's not the one suffering at present. despite that, there's no hiding his own slightly awkward hesitation to respond, yet when he does, it comes without wavering.]
𝙃𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨𝙣'𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙢 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧, 𝙪𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙮, 𝙣𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙬𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙. [he rises up onto all fours, shakes himself again, finally twists around and snuffles his nose around in a sugar-streaked spot, and still decides he'll wait until he returns home instead.]
[i know, he snaps but curls his tongue into a hold, for bitterness won't do either of them any good. were he still inebriated, he might have had less of a filter capped on. it's why he clung dearly to bliss whenever he was able to find it, for he understood all too well what a life without it was like. is he supposed to take solace in what he has left? what little and comparatively fragile bonds remain in this place, while they last?
he cannot bring himself to. he hurts too much. and like a wounded animal he keeps it close and quiet. soren shuts the water off and dries his hands.]
I do. [tension winds between them, the strength of their private emotions tugging undiscernible but palpable to the empathetic. soren knows that sizhui had lost someone important to him. family. he didn't know what it was like to lose that, but those who had family often treated kin like the most important part of their lives, something worth protecting and dying for without hesitation. it's probably similar to how he feels toward ike. nevertheless, it isn't the same.
throat too tight, soren fails to say anything else. not that he particularly wants to. he submits all of his focus into the task of thoroughly drying his hands, as if such a vapid act could possibly divert him from his ailing mental and emotional state.]
[pretending he isn't as fazed is the only way he'll keep from coddling soren; it's instinctive to want to protect his friends, the dragon included, except he's fully aware it won't help in this case, it'll just make things worse. (or so he believes, anyway? soren's never seemed the type to want to be babied at all.) but maybe he's wrong? maybe it'd do him some good?
regardless, now isn't the time for it, not when the wound's still so fresh.
he finishes his nosing about, directs toward soren again and gives the faintest head-bob. there are many, many things they could spend time discussing, some of which might prove decent distractions, but there's no denying the strain between them, something that's likely better left alone and-slash-or forgone entirely. sizhui's thoughts do drift though, contemplating, wondering if a time may come where talking about these emotions would be easier, even if he knows full well that he'd probably start suffocating from holding his breath first.]
𝙄 𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙤, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣. [so why doesn't he move right away? silly emotions have him lingering still, his wolfy expression far less readable compared to what his usual demeanor would reveal, and yet— but he finally tears himself away, turning and trotting toward the door, tail twitching with mild irritation that's not at all aimed soren's way.]
[the heavy mood between them doesn't change, and soren does nothing to alter it. he doesn't want sizhui to stay. not really. he wants to be left alone again, even though he's grateful to the other monster for allowing him some respite and then giving him more than what he'd asked for. it's only as sizhui turns tail out the door that soren looks up from his hand-wiping.]
Have a good night.
[he's been around enough beast-people to detect the irritability lashing in his tail. soren can't bring himself to care about whether it's his fault or not, whether the stress comes from the subject itself or their interaction -- or rather, the lack of one. perhaps it is due to going against his desire to implore him further on his condition when he wages it might be better to just leave him and his inconsolability to suffer in private. there really isn't anything he can do to fix things, soren thinks. talking won't bring ike back. moping won't, either. nothing they can feasibly do will. he just has to press on and prepare for when the day comes again when he can be where he truly belongs.
overladen with heartache and exhaustion, soren drags himself toward the loft.]
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deferences) wrote2022-08-22 02:35 pm
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struggling through his loss will be difficult, but soren is nothing if not resilient; sizhui's witnessed it personally and believes, with time, he'll pull through. while he works at this, the cultivator will be around anytime he needs (whenever he isn't already checking in on him, of course).
mutual silence settles between them during the journey, nothing but rustling grass and trees, or perhaps the odd wild animal rushing in the direction that's opposite of where they're going. surprising no one, he makes it in record time, slowing back down to a trot as they approach the double back doors. without hesitation, he steps toward where they meet, lowers his head, shuts his eyes and leans to press flat against both doors, a delicately written array glowing beneath his touch. it flashes once, fades, then disperses into tiny flecks, prompting him to use his nose to lift the handle so they can get inside.]
no subject
uneasiness fills him now that they've stilled, the same that has been plaguing him since the realization that ike was here with him no longer bored through. accompanying it is the disorientation that comes with a lack of direction. there is nothing for him to live for at this time, or so it feels, and it makes him numb from the inside.
for two years he had endured this feeling. how much longer will he have to wait this time? will he be able to feel the full extent of his love again? or will the next ike even remember him at all? there are so many possibilities, questions that have yet to be answered that can only arrive with the passage of time. uncertainty. a type of loneliness that could never be completely filled if ike is not with him.
he enters the house, for it is something he can do for now. glances around at the interior, familiarizing himself with this space sizhui kindly offered to him. perhaps a refresh of space could also help to refresh his mind, collect his thoughts somewhere more useful. then he looks to sizhui with an unreadable expression and nods shortly.]
I won't make myself a nuisance here. [not that sizhui would expect that of him.] As a matter of fact, should you need me for something, I shall see if it is within my capacity to help.
[both with regards to his willingness and his ability.]
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so, rather than doing that, he simply trots right in after the dragon, outpacing him to help guide him toward the sofa. maybe he cannot lead him in one sense, it doesn't mean he can't help in another, after all, and he's fine doing so.
the expression is exactly what it conveys: indecipherable. how lucky, sizhui's wolf form isn't as reactive as his normal features, even though it's still quite suggestive in comparison to normal canines. he takes a spot beside the couch's arm, front paws pressed close together, his fluffy tail curling around them after he's settled. rather than intrude, sizhui doesn't plan to stay too long, just for some brief clarification where things that he might need are at, and then he'll allow soren whatever time he needs.
‘i won't make myself a nuisance here.’ well, that certainly won't do now, will it?]
𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚 𝙖 𝙣𝙪𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙎𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙣, 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨. [you're my friend, is what he wants to add, except he bites his tongue because he has a pretty good feeling it will only make soren feel awkward and be unhelpful to the situation, much like it always does when he's so straightforward.]
𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙮 𝙖𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚, [he encourages,] 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚'𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙤𝙛, 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙤 𝙞𝙩, 𝙄 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬. 𝙐𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣... 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚, 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩.
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[now that he is no longer drunk nor gripping onto sizhui's thick fur, the slightly sticky, grubby sensation calls more attention to his hands. soren brings them up to squint at, rubbing his thumb against his fingertips and frowning. he heaves a tired and chagrined sigh as the hazy horror of memories made but an hour ago filter in.
naturally, a scant amount of sugar had been dusted over his clothes... but how did he get them streaked past the corners of his eyes? the dragon remains oblivious to the last part and begins heading toward the nearest available station to deliver his hands from food grime.]
no subject
were the adlet actually inclined, he might've twisted around and licked his fur clean, maybe savoring the sweetness soren left behind in a bizarre way while he's washing the filth away.
instead, sizhui stays put, purple and black eyes watching intently, the brief silencing lingering between them a beat or two longer before he finally speaks again,] 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙚𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙖 𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙮. 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙣, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚'𝙨 𝙨𝙣𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙪𝙥𝙗𝙤𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙝, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙙 𝙪𝙥 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙛𝙩.
no subject
As accommodating as ever. [though last time he stayed at his place, there had been a bit of an unaccommodating dispute involving the white snake and his need to reach ike in lieu of his own dtf's mia status. with a wryness that buries sadness, he adds] This time, I won't even need to demand Xiaoyun. I have no reason.
[he's all but stating the fact.]
no subject
his heart freefalls into his stomach, he lowers his head, flattens his ears then huffs a sigh that shakes his whole body.
it may be stating the facts, that doesn't make it less painful for soren.] 𝙄'𝙢 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮, 𝙎𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙣. 𝙄 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙮 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧— [given who soren is as a person and all] —𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙖𝙢. [and oh, how sizhui wishes he could do more to help, but this is the best he can offer.]
no subject
he should have grown accustomed to it by now... but that doesn't stem the pain, especially when the blow is always aimed to be sudden, entirely unanticipated, a shot in the dark. should he have anticipated that it would last just a year? a year with ike; a year with ranulf. a year alone; a year each war.
he watches the soap run down the drain swirled and frothing with the water.]
There isn't much to be done about it. I have been expecting this day to come for some time now.
[he says this as if it's a matter of fact, but with the somberness of his emotions lurking behind the rather unintentionally obvious façade of the impersonal. after all, it really is just how life is. he's learned to brook all kinds of pain. sizhui cannot be faulted for not fully understanding just how much ike meant to him.]
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there really isn't anything else he can do and that makes it harder— more for soren than for himself, of course, as he's not the one suffering at present. despite that, there's no hiding his own slightly awkward hesitation to respond, yet when he does, it comes without wavering.]
𝙃𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨𝙣'𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙢 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧, 𝙪𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙮, 𝙣𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙬𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙. [he rises up onto all fours, shakes himself again, finally twists around and snuffles his nose around in a sugar-streaked spot, and still decides he'll wait until he returns home instead.]
𝘼𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚... 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙩 𝙢𝙚.
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[i know, he snaps but curls his tongue into a hold, for bitterness won't do either of them any good. were he still inebriated, he might have had less of a filter capped on. it's why he clung dearly to bliss whenever he was able to find it, for he understood all too well what a life without it was like. is he supposed to take solace in what he has left? what little and comparatively fragile bonds remain in this place, while they last?
he cannot bring himself to. he hurts too much. and like a wounded animal he keeps it close and quiet. soren shuts the water off and dries his hands.]
I do. [tension winds between them, the strength of their private emotions tugging undiscernible but palpable to the empathetic. soren knows that sizhui had lost someone important to him. family. he didn't know what it was like to lose that, but those who had family often treated kin like the most important part of their lives, something worth protecting and dying for without hesitation. it's probably similar to how he feels toward ike. nevertheless, it isn't the same.
throat too tight, soren fails to say anything else. not that he particularly wants to. he submits all of his focus into the task of thoroughly drying his hands, as if such a vapid act could possibly divert him from his ailing mental and emotional state.]
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regardless, now isn't the time for it, not when the wound's still so fresh.
he finishes his nosing about, directs toward soren again and gives the faintest head-bob. there are many, many things they could spend time discussing, some of which might prove decent distractions, but there's no denying the strain between them, something that's likely better left alone and-slash-or forgone entirely. sizhui's thoughts do drift though, contemplating, wondering if a time may come where talking about these emotions would be easier, even if he knows full well that he'd probably start suffocating from holding his breath first.]
𝙄 𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙤, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣. [so why doesn't he move right away? silly emotions have him lingering still, his wolfy expression far less readable compared to what his usual demeanor would reveal, and yet— but he finally tears himself away, turning and trotting toward the door, tail twitching with mild irritation that's not at all aimed soren's way.]
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[the heavy mood between them doesn't change, and soren does nothing to alter it. he doesn't want sizhui to stay. not really. he wants to be left alone again, even though he's grateful to the other monster for allowing him some respite and then giving him more than what he'd asked for. it's only as sizhui turns tail out the door that soren looks up from his hand-wiping.]
Have a good night.
[he's been around enough beast-people to detect the irritability lashing in his tail. soren can't bring himself to care about whether it's his fault or not, whether the stress comes from the subject itself or their interaction -- or rather, the lack of one. perhaps it is due to going against his desire to implore him further on his condition when he wages it might be better to just leave him and his inconsolability to suffer in private. there really isn't anything he can do to fix things, soren thinks. talking won't bring ike back. moping won't, either. nothing they can feasibly do will. he just has to press on and prepare for when the day comes again when he can be where he truly belongs.
overladen with heartache and exhaustion, soren drags himself toward the loft.]