[after it seems to register and soren sighs like that, he rises back up on all four paws, flicks his tail then proceeds toward his friend again, only stopping once he's right beside him. like this, it would be much faster for them both if soren just climbed onto his back and held his fur, but he's well-aware it might not be possible, given soren's current state.
they'll circle back around to that, however, since sizhui's huffing at the remark, his amused tone carrying even over telepathy.] 𝙄 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩, 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙄 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙄 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙡𝙚 𝙞𝙩.
𝙄𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙,[he admits, then sizhui moves to prop his shoulder against soren's side, helping keep him steady.] 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙚, 𝙤𝙠𝙖𝙮?[and once soren does, he'll turn his head to rest it against the dragon's stomach, a faint blue glow spreading along his muzzle, over his head, to the tips of his ears as he lets qi pass between them.]
[the thing here is, soren doesn't hang on. he doesn't even make an attempt. as a matter of fact, he takes a step back, looking somewhere between wary and disgruntled.]
[sizhui lifts back upright, blinking two-toned eyes at him and tilting his head sideways, looking as confused as he can in animal form. didn't soren want him to help with this whole drunk thing? what's he worried about now?]
[soren blanches at the thought of getting on his back and galloping really fast while also nearly succumbing to his queasiness.]
Oh... Okay. But please... not while I'm still drunk.
[somehow, this is making him sad on top of it all. he's ridden on the back of a laguz before, and though there was a lot he didn't like about it then, he misses that stupid cat and his stupid two-toned eyes. especially tonight.]
𝙉𝙤, 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙡 𝙬𝙚'𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩. [while lan sizhui wouldn't entirely understand soren's sadness, he does recognize his face discoloring and it isn't difficult to figure out what might bother him about this idea; riding takes a particular steadiness, after all, and soren won't be able to handle such a thing in his current state, which is exactly why he'd come closer again in the first place. taking care of the alcohol problem as quickly as possible is what he's planning, they can figure everything else out afterward.
he gently nudges soren's side with his head, trying to tuck the other male's arm around his neck. physical contact is necessary for this and he wants his friend stabilized in case anything becomes too much.]
[soren finally does as sizhui wants, draping his arm over his neck gingerly and then settling into a more secure hold. fur actually... feels nice. very nice? oh. oh my. this is very slowly turning into a hug as he presses his cheek to the wolf's neck and breathes in deeply, sighing it out in preemptive relief.]
[if sizhui wasn't distracted with making sure soren gets to feeling better, he might've let himself feel the relief too, let it sink in so deep, a saddened comfort could wash over him. instead, he shuts his eyes and leans halfway into the hug, his glowing muzzle pressed against soren's midsection again while one large paw carefully hooks over the top of his feet.
‘i'm sorry,’ he wants to say, but the other half of him keeps his thoughts completely silent.]
[the whirling fog choking his thoughts evanesces upon sizhui's influence, leaving soren blessedly more stable, better aware of himself and his surroundings. it doesn't quite chase away all of the poisonous effects at once, but it's a welcome reprieve from the dizzying numbness and undammed feelings. the hands on the reins of self-control finally tighten back up.]
...Thank you.
[ah, but he sure is tired. he maintains his hold on the wolf's neck with no hurry to stop, still resting his head against it for the time being like a ship that has been moored at last after stormy seas.]
[unfortunately, it's not an instantaneous sort of thing, as much as sizhui wishes it could be for soren, but it still seems to be helping ease his queasiness and that's what matters. he gently presses his head a bit firmer against soren, ears flattened, his own breathing slow, steady and slightly heavier in this form.]
𝙔𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚.
[they can stay here for as long as necessary, letting soren reacclimate himself, because it's not like sizhui's in any rush to get back to his reading when he has a friend suffering from unlucky circumstances.] 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝, 𝙬𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙜𝙤.
I should be able to handle it. [he lifts his head up from the wolf's and his arms slip away, too, only to reassert themselves in a different configuration once soren leaps to mount him. a quick burst of movement establishes further that his condition is now equipped for a rocky journey on wolfback. it still feels as though he's floating through reality, but he's more grounded than before, and not prone to hurling up all the food angeal had coerced him to eat. speaking of which, there's... probably powdered sugar somewhere in sizhui's fur now, too.
they're going back to his house now, making this the second time he's been made to rest there after being pathetically indisposed in some way. a split second he forgets himself and says]
Actually, I'd rather rest at my own...
[...there's nothing there for him any longer. it's become a house, not a home. the thought of going back makes him uneasy.]
[with that affirmation given, there's really no need for sizhui to answer, so he just stands steady as soren hops onto his back, ears relifting and tail gently wagging in relief. it does seem like he's better now, which means no need for them to worry about any, uh, unfortunate accidents while they're moving. the powdered sugar is a problem for future sizhui and he'll figure that out later when he's not focused on getting them back to his home.
—or perhaps soren's? he half-turns his head to look back at him, blinking, wondering if that's what he was planning on mentioning before changing his mind.
normally, he would ask, but something in his gut tells him not to and instead of venturing a guess, he's about-facing, heading back toward the cave's entrance.] 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙. [already, his pace begins to pick up, more of a trot than a walk, then eventually it turns into a run.] 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙢𝙮 𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙘𝙖𝙗𝙞𝙣, 𝙮𝙚𝙨? [it's the perfect place for soren to stay, where no one will bother him, unless it's his own choice.
the cabin is neat and tidy, despite not being lived in anymore, because sizhui figured they could keep it around as a guesthouse.]
[soren asserts his grip as sizhui picks up speed, adjusting to the quickening speed and the bumpier ride.]
Yes. I would appreciate that.
[a place he could be alone. his house had become that, but barring the fact that he had caved the roof in during his escape from... being taken care of? oh... what a massive idiot he turned into. nevertheless, he can't help but find some comfort in this small refuge being set aside for him. a breath of fresh air from the jarring and suffocating absence of who gave him meaning, how the thinning of his scent might as well have been driving him to a desperate breed of madness. and being drunk on top of it... well, it didn't end well, now did it?
he's glad that he can depend on sizhui for things. if he were to suddenly disappear, he's certain he could manage just fine on his own... but it would become more troublesome.]
[which is good, because with soren hanging on, sizhui's not only using the enhanced speed he gains from his wolf form, but he's channeling his qi too, this way it will take no time at all for them to get to their destination.
although he cannot see soren, he can feel him, and while he hasn't got a clue what exactly has happened (yet), it doesn't mean he can't realize there's something terribly wrong; soren isn't someone who would let himself get this drunk without reason. rather than ask, sizhui keeps the concerns to himself for now, concentrating on carrying them both toward the aforementioned cabin. it surely wouldn't be anything like his and ike's home, but the familiarity of sizhui's scent ought to help somewhat.
and for what it's worth, for however long he remains, soren's more than welcome to depend on him since it's clear he would drop everything to help the dragon, regardless of earlier apprehension.]
[the hollow tone of his voice never ceases, further cementing how easy it is for sizhui to infer the battered emotional state hiding beneath a thin veneer of calm. he doesn't want to have to face what life will be like here now that he's lost contact with ike. such an event stared him in the face as an inevitability innumerable times before, whether it be ike's disappearance or his own. knowing this, mentally and emotionally preparing for this day, still did nothing to abate the crush of loss and the misery of absence with no end in sight. but he must march forward.
riding on sizhui's back ends up feeling freeing, in a way. like in great strides he could outpace his problems, let the wind whip past and blow it all behind him. someday, he will run back to him. he'll be able to reach him. if he can just believe in this day, he would wait as many ages as it takes. soren never asks to rest on their way to sizhui's place.]
[in spite of himself, his worries are disregarded, overtaken by the one single thing he's more concerned with: getting soren somewhere safe and away from others who may try to pry into his business. the dragon has already been force-fed, so there's no need to consider if he might be hungry or not at present, and if there happens to be anything else he needs, sizhui will surely have it, whether at the cabin or in his attached home.
struggling through his loss will be difficult, but soren is nothing if not resilient; sizhui's witnessed it personally and believes, with time, he'll pull through. while he works at this, the cultivator will be around anytime he needs (whenever he isn't already checking in on him, of course).
mutual silence settles between them during the journey, nothing but rustling grass and trees, or perhaps the odd wild animal rushing in the direction that's opposite of where they're going. surprising no one, he makes it in record time, slowing back down to a trot as they approach the double back doors. without hesitation, he steps toward where they meet, lowers his head, shuts his eyes and leans to press flat against both doors, a delicately written array glowing beneath his touch. it flashes once, fades, then disperses into tiny flecks, prompting him to use his nose to lift the handle so they can get inside.]
[soren helps the rest of the way with the handle, then throws the door open wide enough for entry. at this point he dismounts, since he can walk inside on his own two feet from here on out.
uneasiness fills him now that they've stilled, the same that has been plaguing him since the realization that ike was here with him no longer bored through. accompanying it is the disorientation that comes with a lack of direction. there is nothing for him to live for at this time, or so it feels, and it makes him numb from the inside.
for two years he had endured this feeling. how much longer will he have to wait this time? will he be able to feel the full extent of his love again? or will the next ike even remember him at all? there are so many possibilities, questions that have yet to be answered that can only arrive with the passage of time. uncertainty. a type of loneliness that could never be completely filled if ike is not with him.
he enters the house, for it is something he can do for now. glances around at the interior, familiarizing himself with this space sizhui kindly offered to him. perhaps a refresh of space could also help to refresh his mind, collect his thoughts somewhere more useful. then he looks to sizhui with an unreadable expression and nods shortly.]
I won't make myself a nuisance here. [not that sizhui would expect that of him.] As a matter of fact, should you need me for something, I shall see if it is within my capacity to help.
[both with regards to his willingness and his ability.]
[once soren is back on his own feet, sizhui gives a full-bodied shake, readjusting to the sensation of losing his weight while also somewhat fluffing his fur back up. ordinarily, this would be where he changes back into his usual mostly human look with some animal features, but he was in such a rush to go collect soren, he didn't think to, uh, bring along his qiankun bag with his extra clothes.
so, rather than doing that, he simply trots right in after the dragon, outpacing him to help guide him toward the sofa. maybe he cannot lead him in one sense, it doesn't mean he can't help in another, after all, and he's fine doing so.
the expression is exactly what it conveys: indecipherable. how lucky, sizhui's wolf form isn't as reactive as his normal features, even though it's still quite suggestive in comparison to normal canines. he takes a spot beside the couch's arm, front paws pressed close together, his fluffy tail curling around them after he's settled. rather than intrude, sizhui doesn't plan to stay too long, just for some brief clarification where things that he might need are at, and then he'll allow soren whatever time he needs.
‘i won't make myself a nuisance here.’ well, that certainly won't do now, will it?]
𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚 𝙖 𝙣𝙪𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙎𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙣, 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨. [you're my friend, is what he wants to add, except he bites his tongue because he has a pretty good feeling it will only make soren feel awkward and be unhelpful to the situation, much like it always does when he's so straightforward.]
[now that he is no longer drunk nor gripping onto sizhui's thick fur, the slightly sticky, grubby sensation calls more attention to his hands. soren brings them up to squint at, rubbing his thumb against his fingertips and frowning. he heaves a tired and chagrined sigh as the hazy horror of memories made but an hour ago filter in.
naturally, a scant amount of sugar had been dusted over his clothes... but how did he get them streaked past the corners of his eyes? the dragon remains oblivious to the last part and begins heading toward the nearest available station to deliver his hands from food grime.]
[it's the same sort of feeling sizhui's experiencing, yet he's choosing to ignore it until he can figure something else out. sure, it wouldn't be the first time soren's seen him naked, it's still just. the whole principle of the idea? and besides, he's honed in on the way soren seems mortified, likely because of how he'd acted, which makes sizhui feel sorry for him (even if he will not say aloud).
were the adlet actually inclined, he might've twisted around and licked his fur clean, maybe savoring the sweetness soren left behind in a bizarre way while he's washing the filth away.
instead, sizhui stays put, purple and black eyes watching intently, the brief silencing lingering between them a beat or two longer before he finally speaks again,] 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙚𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙖 𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙮. 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙣, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚'𝙨 𝙨𝙣𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙪𝙥𝙗𝙤𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙝, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙙 𝙪𝙥 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙛𝙩.
[there isn't far to go; this cabin is, well, a cabin. one with a kitchenette that has a sink. he turns the faucet on and lets the warming water run over his hands. an intrusive thought about indoor plumbing enters his brain and yet again he is reminded of all the pointless and embarrassing conversations his dtf had dragged him into, a rather foggy territory in places. he doesn't chase after his recent memories.]
As accommodating as ever. [though last time he stayed at his place, there had been a bit of an unaccommodating dispute involving the white snake and his need to reach ike in lieu of his own dtf's mia status. with a wryness that buries sadness, he adds] This time, I won't even need to demand Xiaoyun. I have no reason.
[while soren's doing that, he continues staring, wondering how long it'll be before reality truly starts sinking in, now that he's become mostly sober. (won't take long, it seems, considering.) and try as he might, soren can't seem to help himself from the sound of it. the remark is initially a pretty positive one, which offers a little hope, though it's immediately dashed by soren's comment on not needing the snake dtf because he ‘has no reason’.
his heart freefalls into his stomach, he lowers his head, flattens his ears then huffs a sigh that shakes his whole body.
it may be stating the facts, that doesn't make it less painful for soren.] 𝙄'𝙢 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮, 𝙎𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙣. 𝙄 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙮 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧— [given who soren is as a person and all] —𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙖𝙢. [and oh, how sizhui wishes he could do more to help, but this is the best he can offer.]
[sizhui cannot even comprehend the depths his heart had plunged at the realization that he could no longer share his every day with ike. that this would no longer be a form of heaven for him. it's not as though he never envisioned a day like this. no; it was a persistent source of anxiety for him, was bound to happen someday. and naturally, he was the one left to bear the brunt of the absence, of having to exist without who impels him to.
he should have grown accustomed to it by now... but that doesn't stem the pain, especially when the blow is always aimed to be sudden, entirely unanticipated, a shot in the dark. should he have anticipated that it would last just a year? a year with ike; a year with ranulf. a year alone; a year each war.
he watches the soap run down the drain swirled and frothing with the water.]
There isn't much to be done about it. I have been expecting this day to come for some time now.
[he says this as if it's a matter of fact, but with the somberness of his emotions lurking behind the rather unintentionally obvious façade of the impersonal. after all, it really is just how life is. he's learned to brook all kinds of pain. sizhui cannot be faulted for not fully understanding just how much ike meant to him.]
[perhaps he cannot understand soren's intense feelings for ike, but he can understand his own and it would come as no surprise that he would describe his emotions in the same extremely earnest ways too. the only difference? sizhui didn't think it would happen to him twice until it did (and now he's pushed everything down rather than ever speaking out loud). something soren has far less trouble doing in this moment.
there really isn't anything else he can do and that makes it harder— more for soren than for himself, of course, as he's not the one suffering at present. despite that, there's no hiding his own slightly awkward hesitation to respond, yet when he does, it comes without wavering.]
𝙃𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨𝙣'𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙢 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧, 𝙪𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙮, 𝙣𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙬𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙. [he rises up onto all fours, shakes himself again, finally twists around and snuffles his nose around in a sugar-streaked spot, and still decides he'll wait until he returns home instead.]
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deferences) wrote2022-08-22 02:35 pm
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they'll circle back around to that, however, since sizhui's huffing at the remark, his amused tone carrying even over telepathy.] 𝙄 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩, 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙄 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙄 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙡𝙚 𝙞𝙩.
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Where'r we going?
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𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙄 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙨𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙖𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙. 𝙐𝙣𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚'𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙤?
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Oh... Okay. But please... not while I'm still drunk.
[somehow, this is making him sad on top of it all. he's ridden on the back of a laguz before, and though there was a lot he didn't like about it then, he misses that stupid cat and his stupid two-toned eyes. especially tonight.]
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he gently nudges soren's side with his head, trying to tuck the other male's arm around his neck. physical contact is necessary for this and he wants his friend stabilized in case anything becomes too much.]
𝙄𝙩'𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙄 𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣, 𝙨𝙤 𝙬𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙪𝙥.
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‘i'm sorry,’ he wants to say, but the other half of him keeps his thoughts completely silent.]
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...Thank you.
[ah, but he sure is tired. he maintains his hold on the wolf's neck with no hurry to stop, still resting his head against it for the time being like a ship that has been moored at last after stormy seas.]
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𝙔𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚.
[they can stay here for as long as necessary, letting soren reacclimate himself, because it's not like sizhui's in any rush to get back to his reading when he has a friend suffering from unlucky circumstances.] 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝, 𝙬𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙜𝙤.
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they're going back to his house now, making this the second time he's been made to rest there after being pathetically indisposed in some way. a split second he forgets himself and says]
Actually, I'd rather rest at my own...
[...there's nothing there for him any longer. it's become a house, not a home. the thought of going back makes him uneasy.]
...No, never mind.
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—or perhaps soren's? he half-turns his head to look back at him, blinking, wondering if that's what he was planning on mentioning before changing his mind.
normally, he would ask, but something in his gut tells him not to and instead of venturing a guess, he's about-facing, heading back toward the cave's entrance.] 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙. [already, his pace begins to pick up, more of a trot than a walk, then eventually it turns into a run.] 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙢𝙮 𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙘𝙖𝙗𝙞𝙣, 𝙮𝙚𝙨? [it's the perfect place for soren to stay, where no one will bother him, unless it's his own choice.
the cabin is neat and tidy, despite not being lived in anymore, because sizhui figured they could keep it around as a guesthouse.]
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Yes. I would appreciate that.
[a place he could be alone. his house had become that, but barring the fact that he had caved the roof in during his escape from... being taken care of? oh... what a massive idiot he turned into. nevertheless, he can't help but find some comfort in this small refuge being set aside for him. a breath of fresh air from the jarring and suffocating absence of who gave him meaning, how the thinning of his scent might as well have been driving him to a desperate breed of madness. and being drunk on top of it... well, it didn't end well, now did it?
he's glad that he can depend on sizhui for things. if he were to suddenly disappear, he's certain he could manage just fine on his own... but it would become more troublesome.]
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although he cannot see soren, he can feel him, and while he hasn't got a clue what exactly has happened (yet), it doesn't mean he can't realize there's something terribly wrong; soren isn't someone who would let himself get this drunk without reason. rather than ask, sizhui keeps the concerns to himself for now, concentrating on carrying them both toward the aforementioned cabin. it surely wouldn't be anything like his and ike's home, but the familiarity of sizhui's scent ought to help somewhat.
and for what it's worth, for however long he remains, soren's more than welcome to depend on him since it's clear he would drop everything to help the dragon, regardless of earlier apprehension.]
𝙄𝙩 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙𝙣'𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙪𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚, 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬.
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[the hollow tone of his voice never ceases, further cementing how easy it is for sizhui to infer the battered emotional state hiding beneath a thin veneer of calm. he doesn't want to have to face what life will be like here now that he's lost contact with ike. such an event stared him in the face as an inevitability innumerable times before, whether it be ike's disappearance or his own. knowing this, mentally and emotionally preparing for this day, still did nothing to abate the crush of loss and the misery of absence with no end in sight. but he must march forward.
riding on sizhui's back ends up feeling freeing, in a way. like in great strides he could outpace his problems, let the wind whip past and blow it all behind him. someday, he will run back to him. he'll be able to reach him. if he can just believe in this day, he would wait as many ages as it takes. soren never asks to rest on their way to sizhui's place.]
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struggling through his loss will be difficult, but soren is nothing if not resilient; sizhui's witnessed it personally and believes, with time, he'll pull through. while he works at this, the cultivator will be around anytime he needs (whenever he isn't already checking in on him, of course).
mutual silence settles between them during the journey, nothing but rustling grass and trees, or perhaps the odd wild animal rushing in the direction that's opposite of where they're going. surprising no one, he makes it in record time, slowing back down to a trot as they approach the double back doors. without hesitation, he steps toward where they meet, lowers his head, shuts his eyes and leans to press flat against both doors, a delicately written array glowing beneath his touch. it flashes once, fades, then disperses into tiny flecks, prompting him to use his nose to lift the handle so they can get inside.]
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uneasiness fills him now that they've stilled, the same that has been plaguing him since the realization that ike was here with him no longer bored through. accompanying it is the disorientation that comes with a lack of direction. there is nothing for him to live for at this time, or so it feels, and it makes him numb from the inside.
for two years he had endured this feeling. how much longer will he have to wait this time? will he be able to feel the full extent of his love again? or will the next ike even remember him at all? there are so many possibilities, questions that have yet to be answered that can only arrive with the passage of time. uncertainty. a type of loneliness that could never be completely filled if ike is not with him.
he enters the house, for it is something he can do for now. glances around at the interior, familiarizing himself with this space sizhui kindly offered to him. perhaps a refresh of space could also help to refresh his mind, collect his thoughts somewhere more useful. then he looks to sizhui with an unreadable expression and nods shortly.]
I won't make myself a nuisance here. [not that sizhui would expect that of him.] As a matter of fact, should you need me for something, I shall see if it is within my capacity to help.
[both with regards to his willingness and his ability.]
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so, rather than doing that, he simply trots right in after the dragon, outpacing him to help guide him toward the sofa. maybe he cannot lead him in one sense, it doesn't mean he can't help in another, after all, and he's fine doing so.
the expression is exactly what it conveys: indecipherable. how lucky, sizhui's wolf form isn't as reactive as his normal features, even though it's still quite suggestive in comparison to normal canines. he takes a spot beside the couch's arm, front paws pressed close together, his fluffy tail curling around them after he's settled. rather than intrude, sizhui doesn't plan to stay too long, just for some brief clarification where things that he might need are at, and then he'll allow soren whatever time he needs.
‘i won't make myself a nuisance here.’ well, that certainly won't do now, will it?]
𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚 𝙖 𝙣𝙪𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙎𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙣, 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨. [you're my friend, is what he wants to add, except he bites his tongue because he has a pretty good feeling it will only make soren feel awkward and be unhelpful to the situation, much like it always does when he's so straightforward.]
𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙮 𝙖𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚, [he encourages,] 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚'𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙤𝙛, 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙤 𝙞𝙩, 𝙄 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬. 𝙐𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣... 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚, 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩.
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[now that he is no longer drunk nor gripping onto sizhui's thick fur, the slightly sticky, grubby sensation calls more attention to his hands. soren brings them up to squint at, rubbing his thumb against his fingertips and frowning. he heaves a tired and chagrined sigh as the hazy horror of memories made but an hour ago filter in.
naturally, a scant amount of sugar had been dusted over his clothes... but how did he get them streaked past the corners of his eyes? the dragon remains oblivious to the last part and begins heading toward the nearest available station to deliver his hands from food grime.]
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were the adlet actually inclined, he might've twisted around and licked his fur clean, maybe savoring the sweetness soren left behind in a bizarre way while he's washing the filth away.
instead, sizhui stays put, purple and black eyes watching intently, the brief silencing lingering between them a beat or two longer before he finally speaks again,] 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙚𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙖 𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙮. 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙣, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚'𝙨 𝙨𝙣𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙪𝙥𝙗𝙤𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙝, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙙 𝙪𝙥 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙛𝙩.
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As accommodating as ever. [though last time he stayed at his place, there had been a bit of an unaccommodating dispute involving the white snake and his need to reach ike in lieu of his own dtf's mia status. with a wryness that buries sadness, he adds] This time, I won't even need to demand Xiaoyun. I have no reason.
[he's all but stating the fact.]
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his heart freefalls into his stomach, he lowers his head, flattens his ears then huffs a sigh that shakes his whole body.
it may be stating the facts, that doesn't make it less painful for soren.] 𝙄'𝙢 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮, 𝙎𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙣. 𝙄 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙮 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧— [given who soren is as a person and all] —𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙖𝙢. [and oh, how sizhui wishes he could do more to help, but this is the best he can offer.]
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he should have grown accustomed to it by now... but that doesn't stem the pain, especially when the blow is always aimed to be sudden, entirely unanticipated, a shot in the dark. should he have anticipated that it would last just a year? a year with ike; a year with ranulf. a year alone; a year each war.
he watches the soap run down the drain swirled and frothing with the water.]
There isn't much to be done about it. I have been expecting this day to come for some time now.
[he says this as if it's a matter of fact, but with the somberness of his emotions lurking behind the rather unintentionally obvious façade of the impersonal. after all, it really is just how life is. he's learned to brook all kinds of pain. sizhui cannot be faulted for not fully understanding just how much ike meant to him.]
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there really isn't anything else he can do and that makes it harder— more for soren than for himself, of course, as he's not the one suffering at present. despite that, there's no hiding his own slightly awkward hesitation to respond, yet when he does, it comes without wavering.]
𝙃𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨𝙣'𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙢 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧, 𝙪𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙮, 𝙣𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙬𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙. [he rises up onto all fours, shakes himself again, finally twists around and snuffles his nose around in a sugar-streaked spot, and still decides he'll wait until he returns home instead.]
𝘼𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚... 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙩 𝙢𝙚.
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